I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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