I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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