i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
