Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
