Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
