the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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