and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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