I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
