the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
