my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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