She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
