on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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