they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
