Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
