I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
