I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
