remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
