Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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