WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
