I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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