she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
