arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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