Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
