If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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