Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
