Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
