so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
