yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
