I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
