They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
