i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
