i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
