i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
