mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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