If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
