So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
