6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
