the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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