I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
