today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
