everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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