I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
