just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
