I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
