God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
