capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
