When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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