I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
