i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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