So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
