When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
