i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize