this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
